Love Letters from the Heart

Luna’s 18 yr. old son, Logan, had just lost his first true love, and she asked could I help. The following is how I responded.

Diane Wagner. My childhood sweetheart. We met at sign up for Holy Family Catholic School, on a fateful day in 1956. I loved her beyond this plane, in a way no second or third grader should. I dreamed on her and me as married and having a family. As puberty arrived, I was terrified of her. But we were still friends. Did things like climbed the trees and hills around my folks little orange grove. Then the “going steady”. In those days, that was a big deal, 1963, and the girl would wear your St. Christopher’s medal, which I bought for her. We “dated”. Mom drove, or we walked, or rode our bikes. Or rode the bus, like to Disneyland. Best day of my life, that day at Disneyland, Summer of ’63, full moon, slightly before dark. Then, I had sorta’ set up a kiss. On the Robert E. Lee, facing the risen Moon, I walked her over to the railing, reached for her to kiss.
Diane, my forever Love; the one I had always assumed I would Marry and raise kids, and be loved by and had dreamed on and with for 7 years or so, grew up with, had first Communion with, was Confirmed with, (there was a photograph taken with us in our Confirmation clothes, white full dress for her, a hand-me down suit for me that resembled a wedding picture) and wanted so much; with a 13 year old’s passion; turned away and would not let me kiss her. It went downhill from there, till that horrible day that she gave back my Christopher, and said she “hated my guts!”
There is a song, in the Salsa genre’, in Spanish, about a man who sings of his childhood love. The song says that she will forever color his idea of what women would be like, for the rest of his life, all women would be compared to his dream of her. It’s true; at least for me. I always looked for girls or women who more closely resembled Diane. That flaw caused me the biggest mistake of my life!! Margaret looked more like Diane than the other girl, the one who I was supposed to be with when my friend and I first met them.                      Margaret was not Diane, and she knew it. I would have insane dreams alongside Margaret of Diane. It really has only died down recently, and Diane’s Mom and I are friends, even though Diane herself  has little to do with me now.
So my heart goes out to Logan, but there is little a mom or dad, brother, or friend can say or do.  And worse, I think it can alter lifetimes.
Luna, thank you for letting me dream on you. Your love has broken spells cast on me for years. I know I can’t “have” you. …but. I may finally be free of Diane and her wicked surrogate Margaret, ex Wife of 42 yrs. and mother of my thankless boys, 46 and 40. Thanks to you!

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